It’s night and I’m tired, I need sleep, peaceful thoughts and sleep, I suddenly think about the things I could have done that I didn’t, how I’m wasting my life away, i think of how someone else can do what I can so easily, a pit in my stomach which travels up my brain making it hard for me to breathe, I’m on my bed, but now my legs are shaking. I think of all I can do to make it all better, but I then realise that staying awake is only going to make it worse, so I try to sleep, only I can’t because my legs are still shaking.
“Think peaceful things” says my mind, “Race like there’s no tomorrow” goes my heart.
Suddenly, in a swift moment I get up to look at my phone and see a few comedy videos that will make my thoughts disappear, only they don’t, now even my thoughts cursing my weak-ass because it’s 4:30am and I know tomorrow will be hard. I will want to sleep, I will be tired, I will waste another day and have another regret. The pit in my stomach is now a cliff which I am falling from, into this void that is my mind, an ocean with no horizon. Its like I’m split in two, one of me is doing the actions while the other is watching those actions be done, she’s screaming at me to get my shit together, and it’s like I can only now hear her, at 4:30am. There’s no beauty in this moment, it’s not sad enough to be a song, not romantic enough to be a verse, not big enough to be a tale.
It’s just the rant of a girl, trying to get some sleep at 4:30am, and her mind just won’t let her.